If you look up pretty much any topic related to families
most likely you will run into a storm of controversy. In a world that has
become so connected through the use of modern technology cultural ways and
norms that used to be unknown to others are now public knowledge. So it is
unsurprising that you would have a wide range and often opposing views on many
issues. Family being only one of them. Spanking and punishment in general is no
exception. For a few years now there has been a lot and sometimes outright heated
debate about spanking.
I have been able to experience both sides of the controversy
first hand. Having come from small town where there were many traditional views,
spanking was among them. However there were also new people who moved into the
valley and they brought with them new ideas. But only when I truly started
working in child care did I receive the knowledge I felt I needed in order to
decide where I stood.
For both personal and academic based reasons I do not
believe that spanking or other forms of corporal punishment are the best
practices to use in order to raise children to the healthy, whole and caring
individuals that we all hope them to be. Deep down the idea never set well with
me. However I did not have the specific knowledge I needed in order to fully
explain why. I still feel there is much I would like to research on the topic
but I feel I have learned enough to share my ideas more readily.
Now I do not write this to judge anyone or even try to
demand that people think the way I do on the topic. I simply hope to be able to
explain what I feel and think. I also hope to prompt others to think more
deeply about their own thoughts on the topic so they can research from
themselves and form their own opinion. Not my opinion, or the opinions of those
they respect or their parents. But their own.
Today I will address why I do not believe spanking to be a
good idea and in the future, after doing more research, will provide
alternatives to spanking and/or ways to avoid it.
My Research
I went in search of a peer review article that could tell me
what the effects of spanking were on children with valid research to back it
up. It took me a long time but I finally found an article which took good
research and summarized it to make it more understandable. The article was
written by Gershoff, Elizabeth T. According to Wikipedia she is a
professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas
in Austin. She is fairly well known for her research on corporal punishment and
its effects on a child’s wellbeing. There
are several ideas she addressed that I found interesting.
The Persistence of Spanking as a Parenting Tool
The world and society is ever changing in many ways.
Families and parenting is no exception. Despite the fact that we have left many
traditions behind spanking is one of the ones that we cannot seem to shake.
Some of the reasons for this is because of tradition and the ideas that the
society around us instill. But the main reason that she points out and I have
noticed myself is that it is something that our parents used. Parenting is not
easy and can be downright frustrating if not downright terrifying. When faced
with such a situation parents tend to fall back on what they know. Parenting the
way their parents parented.
I have seen this many times and have even experienced it as
I have found myself imitating my parents when dealing with young children. In
many ways this can be a good thing. A way to preserve family value and
tradition. To allow the rising generations to be aware of and proud of their
heritage. However we cannot afford to always repeat the past or we become
stuck.
A phrase I often hear is “Well my parents spanked and my
siblings and I turned out fine. So spanking cannot be all the bad.” I am not
satisfied with that. I do not want to raise my children to be as good as me, I
want them to be better. Which means being open to new ideas. To look at the
ideas that were planted in my childhood and decide what I want to carry on in
my own family and what needs to be left behind.
The Effects of Spanking
Spanking is generally done the most during a child’s early
years. Typically from ages 1-8 or older depending on the family. From
development in the womb to about age five a child’s brain is growing faster
than it will at any other point in life. Because of this everything the child
experiences profoundly impacts the construction of their brain and their
perception of the world. So it should come as little surprise that spanking
would also effect the child’s development.
Gershoff outlines some of the effects that I saw from
multiple studies.
Intended Effects
Of course parents rarely if ever spank for no reason. I also
know that almost all parents are eagerly waiting around for an excuse to spank
their child. Spanking is usually a last resort with the hope to create
desirable outcomes.
One of the effects parents usually intend with spanking is
compliance. Both in the short term and in the long term. They want their
children to stop exhibiting some kind of undesirable behavior and start showing
more positive traits. One of the most common behaviors that parents hope to
eliminate is aggressive behavior toward other children that has been or can be
harmful.
However, ironically, the intended effects are not often
achieved.
Unintended Effects
In another study I read in the Children & Youth Services
Review written by Shawna J. Lee, Catherine A. Taylor, Inna Altschul and Janet C. Riced show that spanking often creates the opposite
effect that parents intent. It makes the children more aggressive. Regardless
whether it is father or mother inflicting the corporal punishment and often
even if mothers had a warm, nurturing nature at other times, children who were
spanked would still show more aggression to their peers.
And why wouldn’t they? Children of young ages are just
becoming aware of themselves. A stage called egocentrism. They think mainly
about their wants and their needs and they encounter many barriers, usually parents
that stand in the way of them getting what they want. When parents use force,
spanking, in order to make the child do what they want, the child quickly
figures out that aggression and control will get them what they want.
There are a few more effects that corporal punishment has
that Gershoff points out. Some of them could be harder to accept and are heart
breaking.
One is unintended injury and/or abuse to the child. Parents are
much stronger than children and sometimes, in a fit of anger or frustration,
could hurt the child without meaning too. Despite the many terrible news
headlines we read these days rarely is this on purpose but it is a terrible occurrence
for all those involved.
Another mental health issues. Studies have shown that “the
more frequently or severely children are spanked or hit, the more likely they
are to have symptoms of depression or anxiety, both at the time they are
corporally punished and in the future.” (Gershoff, 2010) Being spanked is not a
pleasant experience for a child and can even be traumatic. They become wary of
it happening again and more so if it does. Spanking also does not give the child the
impression that they are loved by the parent and can cause depression.
Which leads into another effect. Spanking can cause a rift
in the close and vital bond between a child and their parent or parents. It can
erode trust and the security the child feels toward that parent. Making them
uncertain and withdrawn.
Conclusion
Much of these findings I was already aware of on some level.
Not only have I heard and read bits and pieces of information here and there
throughout the years but I have also observed the evidence of it firsthand. What
is most heart breaking to me is not the spanking itself but that it is unnecessary.
We now have the knowledge and tools that there are other forms of parenting
that we can use in order to guide our children to be responsible and caring
adults.
I will be writing more on some of these methods later. Until
then here are some quick suggestions.
- · Take a child development course. Even teenagers who take a child development course long before they become parents to better if they have more knowledge and understand how children’s minds work.
- · Before you say or so something to your child ask yourself if it is something you would want done to you.
- · Read:
o
No: Why Kids
– of All Ages – Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It by David Walsh,
PhD and
o
Unconditional
Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie
Kohn
Please feel free to make comments and ask questions which I
will do my best to answer.
Keep smiling,
Sapphire
References
Gershoff, E. T. (2010). MORE HARM THAN GOOD: A SUMMARY OF
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH ON THE INTENDED AND UNINTENDED EFFECTS OF CORPORAL
PUNISHMENT ON CHILDREN. Law & Contemporary Problems, 73(2), 31-56.
Kohn, A. (2006). Unconditional parenting:
Moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason. New York: Atria Books.
Lee, S. J., Taylor, C. A., Altschul, I., & Rice, J. C.
(2013). Parental spanking and subsequent risk for child aggression in
father-involved families of young children. Children & Youth
Services Review, 35(9), 1476-1485. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2013.05.016
Walsh, D. A. (2007). No: Why kids--of all
ages--need to hear it and ways parents can say it. New York: Free Press.
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