Staying Close to a Spouse

I am not sure I could pin point when I first wanted to be a mother. I knew I wanted a baby by the time I was 14 but I think my desire to be a mother goes back a lot farther than that. By the time I was 17 I, foolishly, felt that I could take care of a baby better than most. Since then my knowledge about babies and children and how they grow and develop have only broadened. Though I feel parenthood is one of those things you can never be completely prepared for, I still feel capable of being a good mother.

However there is another something I feel like you can never be completely prepared for that, for me, has to come before having babies. And that is getting married and being a wife. I am far more confident in my ability to be a mother than I am in my ability to be a wife. One of my friends once warned me that I would have to be careful not to forget about my husband in the process of raising my children. This was brought to the forefront of my mind as we studied marriage and problems that newlywed couples face. There are a few things that were either brought up or that I thought of that I, as well as many others, can use to keep our relationships strong with our spouse.

One: Set good habits early.

One thing we discussed in class was that whatever habits you set in the beginning of relationship, including dating, can carry on through the rest of the relationship. By setting good, healthy habits early, they are likely to help strengthen the relationship throughout the years. Some of these could be making sure to go on paid, planned dates regularly. Not just “hanging out” but actually going out. Another example is the dividing of house hold chores.

Two: Talking things through before the marriage.

Going into a marriage as a contract is nothing new. After all we sign a license before we get married and many weddings have a set of promises, vows or expectations that go along with the marriage. However there are often some expectations that do not get voiced. What will be the roles of the two spouses? Who will mainly be in charge of the children? When will children be brought into the family? What to do about in-laws? These are just a few of the many questions that should be discussed before a marriage so a couple are on the same page.

Three: Together

A marriage is a partnership. Working together to create and make a family work. To keep close you need to do things together. Yes there is an importance to having some of your own down time, but there are many things that can and should be done together. Working out finances together. Raising children together. As mentioned earlier, going on dates together. Doing chores and completing tasks together.

Four: Communication

Another habit to set early in the relationship. Letting each other know what is going on with ourselves, both internally and externally. Our teacher shared a story about a couple who was getting married soon and were confident because they “talked all the time.” But after a while it became clear that it was only one of them talking to the other. Communication needs to be coming from both sides.

There have been more things that I have come up with that are more on a personal basis. Making sure I am there to kiss my husband when he comes home. Learning how to make his favorite dish. Paying attention when he needs something that I can give to him as a gift. Doing nice things for him even when I don’t need to. Become involved and interested in the things he is.

I am sure there will be many things I need to work on but, honestly, for the first time I am looking forward to the challenge rather than dreading it.